Difficult Times

Sorry it’s been so long since I’m written but I have had extremely stressful times recently.  My Dad has been in for a minor heart op which, as it turned out, didn’t work.  He has a whole new and more complicated op next week.  It’s the waiting and the inability to work that is really doing his head in and, vicariously, it’s doing all the family’s heads in too.

It’s very difficult to watch a man that has been the biggest and strongest person in your life look so small.  It’s like one of the Worlds great constants has changed.  More and more often I find myself in the position of supporting my parents rather than the other way round.  It’s a big adjustment actually.  I’ve been so wrapped up in it that when people asked me what I was doing for my birthday last week I just hadn’t thought of it.  I’m hoping to arrange something soon but it brings me on to another complication I’m having.

Ever since October last year I feel this invisible barrier between me and other people.  It’s like the connection I have with them has altered in some way and I do not know how to relate to them any more.  I can hear and see myself reacting differently, avoiding social situations and, at work, finding it very difficult to do anything that involves working with other people.  As such, even though I feel I am inflicting it myself, I feel more and more isolated.  I’m very scared that if I told a GP all of this and more they’d just attempt to medicate or sign me off.  Unfortunately, I am in a very small department at work and I owe my boss so much for the way she helped me last year, protecting me from a lot of extra stress in the office.

So it’s all a bit uphill.  I’m glad of this as an output really.  I’ll try and make the next post more upbeat I promise.

Snow!

Even I have to admit that the whole world looks fantastically pretty in white.  I’m avoiding the ice though as I always fall on my ass.  Fact.